From Holley, With Love • Thursday, 051123

Take yourself seriously.

From Holley, With Love is a participatory multimedia publication of practical stories, resources, and inspiration for becoming who you are and creating work you love. While it includes a few components, the signature offering is the piece you’re getting ready to read and/or listen to now; a monthly (audio)essay of musings and explorations on self-actualization, creative practice and process, and liberatory approaches to work; occasionally sprinkled with questions to help us get closer to the truth.

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Hello again, Dear Ones 👋🏾. 

If you’ve checked out the posts from the last two editions of the Seven Bops playlist, you’ve probably noticed my mentions of my recent trip to Tokyo and the jet lag that I’m this 👌🏾close to bouncing back from. It’s been a dream of mine to visit Japan since I was 12 years old. Growing up I attended a small college-preparatory school in Harlem where every year, new 7th grade cohorts were assigned a different language to study. The year I started, my class was assigned Japanese. I got the chance to learn from a renowned teacher for four years and though my teenage angst, and all the hormonal shifts and familial transitions I was experiencing sometimes inhibited me from appreciating it; I always knew that it was special and still have so much gratitude for the opportunity.

As I’m sure you can guess, I adored my time in Tokyo. My partner and I had a fantastic dinner and post-mortem meeting with a client based there, and the moments outside of our business commitments were filled with curious adventures, deep bows, and countless exclamations of arigato gozaimasu¹. The food² was incredible, the stationery stores, fashion and immersive experiences were top tier, transportation was a breeze, and I now want a bidet in every single bathroom at the homestead. What I loved most about my time there though, was witnessing the way care is so thoughtfully woven into the fabric of the culture. There are systems, structures, and processes in place that prioritize the sustained well-being of both humanity and the natural world. And – at least from what I observed over five days – without batting an eye, people adhere to and uplift that through their everyday behaviors. It fortified my hope for how bright our shared futures can be if we look out for one another, and I’m already conjuring my next trip back for a longer stay.

Posted in front of Daikanyama Tsutaya Books before my flight home.

When I was packing for my flight I was feeling into what I wanted to reflect on for May’s essay and this entry from my personal journal last October filled my heart space:

I worry a lot (too much and perhaps unnecessarily so) about whether or not I’ll be received and remembered as honorable…or a “good” person – whatever that means objectively (can it even be viewed that way?). 

I’m practicing shifting my focus to being good and kind and honorable to myself, and trusting that my internal behavior and care will reflect outwardly, too. 

Cuz it has to start inside, right? 

I was in the kitchen refilling my water bottle at 11:42am after the pups turned up on the FedEx delivery driver and I diffused the situation (read: brought the package inside and lifted Lu up to the window so she could see that there was no imminent danger). It was two minutes past the time I told myself I’d sit down for breathwork and meditation. I had been scrolling on my phone, searching for a potential new everyday fall/winter sneaker/boot/shoe situation. I started at 11:32am and gave myself two more minutes, then two more minutes before deciding that 11:40am was when I’d begin. 

So when I found myself in the kitchen (with phone in hand) refilling my water bottle at 11:42am for my 11:40am breathwork and meditation session, I caught myself thinking – ‘How often do I break my own promises to myself?’

And then I wondered – “wouldn’t that be the truest way to practice being honorable in the world? To honor myself through my own words and the actions behind them?”

What if I chose myself and gave myself the attention I give away every time I build a case for choosing someone/thing else?

After I clutched my pearls reading that entry, I smiled and took a breath because in that moment I recognized that since October, I’ve been living out that question. It’s become a part of my daily ritual to feel into the parts of myself and my life that I want and need to take more seriously, and then move beyond the feeling by taking action on it.

For example, my dreams, ideas, and desires are a huge area of my life that I want and need to take more seriously. Historically there’s been a very short list of folks who I talk to about these things; sometimes because they feel so grand and fantastical that I doubt my capacity to deliver on my own magic, and other times because I’m so wrapped up in the minutia that it’s hard to come out of the micro and have a coherent conversation about the macro without losing myself (aka a fear of being misunderstood or sounding half-baked).  

My therapist once told me that desires in silence are only met inwardly; and that one of the best ways to honor them and their full potential is to do the vulnerable thing of voicing them to have them be met. So I’ve been talking about my dreams, ideas, and desires more, y’all. Not just out loud to myself and my guides but to my friends, family, and collaborators who trust me with theirs. And I talk about them with enthusiasm. Like, lately I’ve been chatting with my friend Saqera (hey, breh breh 👋🏾!) about some of the multimedia ideas I’m dreaming up for my creative studio, and she’s been sharing ideas for her own art practice. Last week we met up for a two-day collaborative creative visioning and planning session. It was so energizing and reaffirming that for the next month we’ve got a standing weekly call on the calendar to continue checking in and supporting each other in whatever ways we can. Accountabilibuddies is the technical term.   

I have a similar agreement with another friend who’s finishing her first novel. As I work toward completing the first draft of a manifesto I’ve been ruminating on, we check in every Sunday morning to share progress, exchange feedback, and cheer each other over the hurdles that emerge in our writing practices. 

It’s incredible how swiftly these small actions are shifting my patterns of self-betrayal, strengthening my self-belief, and sharpening my discipline. And my dreams, ideas and desires aren’t the only “serious zones” I’m focusing on.  

I’m leaning into taking my pleasure, play(time) and progress seriously, too. Less downplaying wins, canceling fun plans with myself, and yucking my yum. More hedonism, celebrating just because it’s Thursday, and basking in my own applause. 

How about y’all? 

What are some ways (or one way) you’re willing to explore taking yourself more seriously this month? 

Please jump in and share your ideas in the comments (or reply to me directly if you’d like to maintain some anonymity).

Either way, I hope the rest of the month is brilliant for you.

Love always, 

Holley

1. Japanese for thank you.

2. If you're ever in Tokyo, do yourself a favor and eat at Soul Food House in Minato-ku.